How I Spent My Summer Breakation

or... What Do You Want...From Your Recovery?

First, an apology. “What Do You Want” has had to take a pause for the past four months and you have my commitment to make up for lost time.

Next, a quick story to explain why:

How I Spent My Summer Breakation

This saga actually began on Memorial Day, before Summer began, when I contracted an odd infection in my leg. Spent a few days in the hospital receiving intravenous antibiotics. My doctors advised me not to go in my pool until they were sure I wasn’t susceptible to re-infection.

We invited about two dozen friends to a pool party for the Fourth of July, and to make sure I was clear to join them in the pool I went to visit my doctor on July 3.

I never made it to him.

On the way into the medical center, I became dizzy and fell forward, catching my hands on the sliding open doors which then opened, twisting my arms behind me and causing spiral fractures in the humerus bones of both arms. Two things to know: There’s nothing funny about fractured humerus bones, and they are the bones between your elbow and your shoulder.

Party cancelled.

Spent another week in the hospital and have been working with physical therapists to regain my range of motion. The good news is that they tell me I’ll regain normal function within a year. The bad news is that I’m not there yet. But I must report that everyone who treated me across the Banner Medical system here in Arizona was fantastic, as are my friends at Empower PT.

Recovery

There are many things we must recover from throughout our lives. In my case, I’m working my way through recovering from serious injury. There have been stages, as at the beginning when I couldn’t put my hands on a keyboard at all. For a writer, that’s maddening. During the month of August, I slowly gained more ability, eventually able to work for short periods of time, then more and more as physical therapy led to improvement.

At first, I didn’t realize how much my injuries had impacted my emotions and my world view. I felt helpless at first, and I’m still unable to bear much weight with my arms. I’m terrified of falling again as it would shatter my humerus bones, so I walk very slowly and carefully. I tell people I’m doing mindful walking. I’m mindful of my fear.

Recovery From Loss

One of the experiences that sneaks up on you as you age is the loss of good friends and loved ones. Many older friends have passed, but so have many who I considered peers, close to my age. Mortality closing in.

I’ve experienced grief at the loss of my friends and loved ones, and I’ve comforted others when they experienced similar grief. I’ve spoken with many about what I’ve learned from the Buddhists about “embracing impermanence.” Life is a gift we are given for a relatively short period of time. Jealously clinging to it is really pointless. Nobody gets out of here alive.

When people pass, we often talk about how it reminds you to cherish the time you have. For me, that Buddhist advice has led me to work hard on always remembering to cherish every moment of life I’m given. Even as life is now changing all around me with people I spent a great deal of time with in earlier days no longer here, I encourage myself to focus on those who are still here, and cherish the memory of those who are gone.

Recovery From the End of a Relationship

The nature of relationships in general has been significantly warped by social media. Where you used to have relationships with the people you were currently interacting with, you now have age-old relationships resuming, extending, blossoming again. This can be wonderful, or it can lead to disaster as you suddenly rediscover old angers and frustrations.

Getting past these returning difficulties can be very rewarding. You’ll find yourself glad to see you and the other person have both matured and grown and can be friends once again.

I can think of no other way to say this, but some people just remain assholes forever.

So, suddenly time has become a new dimension of your sphere of relationships. You may delight in the nostalgia of revisiting stories from long ago. Or you may come to wish the relationship had remained dormant.

The end of a current relationship can be a relief, or it can be disastrous depending upon the importance of the relationship to you, who chooses to end it, and why.

Here is where knowing what you want becomes so powerful. If you know what you want for your life and you can no longer look forward to achieving it with the person you just parted with, you need a new plan. Rather than wallow in self-pity or anger, it’s time to refocus your energies on the future. How are you going to rebuild? How long are you going to allow yourself to grieve and recover from the hurt?

At this time, when you are certain the relationship is over, it becomes time to focus on yourself and nothing but yourself. Give yourself the grace of making sure you take good care of you.

Recovery From Injury

This is obviously very front-of-mind for me right now. What we want from a recovery from injury will vary based on the degree and nature of the injury. If it’s a mild injury you simply want it to get better. Medicate it, bandage it, and nurture it until it heals.

In my case, it was a pretty major injury. Perhaps not as major as someone who was in a bad car accident and had several wounds and other damage inflicted upon them, but major enough to require surgery.

The first thing you want to come to terms with is just what you can expect from your recovery. How completely will you heal? What limitations will you face in the future? How long will your recovery take and what will you need to do to hasten and improve it? Your first few days will very likely be very uncomfortable, so you’ll want to know how long you can expect to be that miserable.

One of the more encouraging things you may encounter is learning who your real friends are, and how much they care. Some will make it their business to come and see you. Some will call. Others may send cards or gifts. Or gift cards…

You’ll begin to think about the difference between being recovered and being fully recovered. Fully recovered means you function as if the injury never occurred. At this point, I’m hoping for that and working toward it, but I’m also readying myself to deal with falling short of that goal and having limitations. For me, that may mean not being able to wrestle with my dogs or do some of the other things I loved to do.

At the end of the day, however, what I know I’ve already gained is gratitude. Gratitude that my injury wasn’t far worse. Gratitude that I fell in the doorway of a medical center where help arrived instantly. Gratitude that all the people I encountered during my journey from lying there on the floor, to the hospital, and finally home were wonderful people. Caring people. Encouraging and supportive people. I celebrate the team at Banner Health in all three locations I visited during my rescue and surgery and thank them profoundly.

Embrace

And here’s where it all comes together for me, personally. One of the things that has been very difficult to do since my injury is to embrace people. Hugs hurt.

My beloved late daughter-in-law Michelle often told me she loved my “Howie Hugs.” I can’t think of many things anyone has ever said that touched my heart more deeply. The fact that I couldn’t give those to her now, even were she still here, aches terribly.

And so, I have come to believe that the process of recovery is one of embracing.

·       Embracing the task of working toward your recovery.

·       Embracing the love and caring of those around you who encourage and help you.

·       Embracing the preciousness of every single moment, knowing that someday they’ll run out and we’ll all be back where we started.

·       Embracing the patience required to sustain your recovery for as long as it takes.

·       Embracing the reality that this, too, will pass.

·       Embracing the opportunities your recovery will bring you to do things better, and to do better things.

I’ve always been a big fan of St. Francis of Assisi. “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change” is the prayer of anyone who has suffered an injury or loss. Many injuries and many losses will simply not be recoverable, so you’ll need to find a different path. “The strength to change the things I can” is the only strategy truly available to you. In my personal case, I may have to learn how to do some things involving my arms in a new and different way.

“And the wisdom to know the difference” will be your greatest ally as you work to embrace the change that has just occurred in your life.

Turn to your friends and loved ones. You’ll learn who you can depend on. Let help in. Don’t try to live your recovery alone. You’ll figure out what you want from your recovery, what is possible to get from it, and how to make sure you get it.