What Do You Want to be Known For?
Would you prefer to be known for “who you are” or “what you do?” Which is easier to define? Which do you feel defines you?
Which would you prefer to be known for? Who you are? Or what you do?
If your response is who you are, then answer the obvious question. Who are you?
Who Are You?
Are you talking about you as a person? Or as a position in a community or organization? Or in relationship to others? Or just your general nature as a person.
This last one is never easy to define, so it may be confusing to have it define you. Do you never change? Do you never have “up” days and “down” days? Is your general nature as a person consistent enough to represent a clear definition of you? Are you more about your upbeat outlook? Your generous nature? Your supreme arrogance? Your well-known anger? Your occasional outbursts? Your tendency to compliment those around you and reinforce them? Any or all of these are possible, and many of them are in direct conflict with each other. People are often conflicted. How does that impact people’s perceptions of you as “who you are?”
What Do You Do?
There are many perspectives from which we can draw definitions of what you do.
As a person you may constantly be doing random acts of kindness, which usually encourages those around you to like you for those acts. You may also be given to putting others before you, their needs before yours. That’s just what you do.
The more nefarious people around you might seek to take advantage of you and get you to do many, many things for them, some of which may go against your values.
You may be someone who does a great deal for their city, town, or community. Everyone in town knows you and appreciates your hard work. You may receive awards and accolades for all you do. Feels great!
On the other hand, you may be someone who just likes to scare small children…
Beware of making more of who you are than perhaps you should. A long time ago, when my children were young, they played in Little League. The Commissioner of the local Little League would come around wearing his shiny black jacket with the word “Commissioner” embroidered into the right breast and his name beneath it. He carried himself as if he were the most important person in town. He wasn’t.
When people overestimate who they are and what it means to others, they open themselves to ridicule. Better to be humble about who you are and let others tell you you’re shortchanging yourself.
What Do You Do That Defines You?
For many years, I was an executive managing either sales and marketing or technical and professional services. In either case I was often called upon to do many other things by my CEO. He tended to treat me as his “exec,” someone who could execute various tasks on behalf of him.
When people asked me what I did, it was difficult to explain. It was very varied, and our CEO never considered the impact of continuously defocusing me like that. Then again, neither did I.
Almost fifteen years ago I made a fateful life decision and suddenly it was very easy to explain what I did! But I always seemed to answer in the context of who I was, who I saw myself as.
“I’m a Writer!
”
And, in fact, that’s how I’ve defined myself for fifteen years and still going! It’s what I do. I write.
This is not to say there aren’t many other things I do, and roles I play. I’m a husband and do my best to make my wife feel loved and cherished. I’m a father of adult children and invest a great deal of time, energy, and angst into figuring out how to do parenting an adult child correctly and effectively.
In all fairness, I made my transition to fulfill a lifelong desire, and in response to the realization that I was getting older and if I didn’t start my writing career soon, I might never have done it at all. Other executives continue to enjoy doing what they do on into retirement. They’re quite proud of their accomplishments as leaders, strategists, and even risk-takers. And well they should be.
Other people do sculpture, songwriting, parenting, cooking, craftwork, carpentry, architecture, shopping, driving, driving fast, driving too fast, needlepoint, weaving, sewing, serving, caregiving, and much, much more.
Some are absolutely fantastic at what they do. Others, perhaps, not so much. It’s very likely that all are constantly striving to get better at what they do. Some do it because they cannot imagine themselves not doing it. It’s part of who they are and they feel at their best when they’re doing what they do. Others may be doing what they do just because it’s what they’ve always done and they can’t think of anything else to do. What they do actually bores them now, but it’s a living…
Define Yourself
Whatever else you may do, do define yourself. Don’t let others define you, or try to box you into a narrowed definition of who you are. Many may try. Parents. Teachers. Loved ones. Competitors. Downright nasty people.
Also, try not to define yourself in the context of others. Mothers, for example, define themselves as mothers. That’s what they do. But then their children grow to adulthood. Some truly appreciate their mother for everything she did and does, and they continue a wonderful relationship throughout their lives. Others are not as appreciative, or don’t consider their mother to have done a good job. Their mother will find herself adrift without children to raise anymore. The fortunate ones go out and find something else to define themselves by doing something new and exciting for them.
Seeking what it is you do that you want to have define you? Start with passion. What do you have a passion for doing? Do you play a musical instrument? Do you train youngsters and coach them in sports? Do you build intricate Lego constructions?
Anything you do can define you if its something you are truly passionate about and you do it with all of you.