What Do You Want to Do for Others?

The more good you do for more people, the more good finds its way back around to you.

A dear friend recently came upon a car sitting in the middle of an intersection. Not moving. Clearly it had been struck by another vehicle that had departed the scene.

While plenty of people were whizzing by on all sides of the stopped car, my friend immediately parked his car and got out to see if he could render any help. At the very least, he started by calling 911. Intelligently, he didn’t try to move the driver or anyone else. He waited with them, talking with them while they waited for help.

Hearing this tale brought me right back about 50 years to a time when I came upon a similarly disabled vehicle. This intersection was in my own neighborhood and I immediately recognized the driver as being a somewhat unsavory neighbor who had a reputation for dealing drugs. I knew his first name, and remember it to this day. I really didn’t care, at that moment, who he was. He was hurt. He needed help.

Similar to my friend, I didn’t try to move him, but sent someone to call 911. No mobile phones back then. Also similar to my friend, the majority of other people were whizzing by and not getting involved.

When the ambulance arrived, I was somewhat incensed watching them stand him up and walk him to their ambulance.

Why Did We Stop to Help?

We both learned similar lessons from our similar experiences separated by 50 years. We both came to realize that it was important to both of us to be of help. We both believe deeply in the importance of living a life of service to others. We also learned how few other people seem to share that belief. They seem to fear getting involved and let that override their sense of duty to others. Or they just can’t be bothered. I don’t know what their reason is, but clearly the majority of people seem to prefer to look the other way.

Living a Life of Service to Others

Another of my most cherished friends hails from the same sacred ground as I do, the Bronx!

The Bronx, a borough of New York City, is widely known as a ‘rough-and-tumble’ place. Many people have heard of ‘the Bronx Rules’ but they’re not sure what they are. They are sure they’re nasty.

My friend grew up there. He later became a manager of many, many people, all of whom would ‘lay down on the railroad tracks’ for him. They revered him.

He then became a top martial arts master, and an ordained minister.

When I think of people who are committed to a life of service to others, he is always the first person that comes to mind. After decades in senior executive positions he has chosen to work in an industry association in a position that enables him to benefit young people graduating school and seeking a career. He plans and executes enormous programs in which he brings those young people together with people who have built successful careers in the industry. These mentors provide incredibly valuable insight to the young attendees. He is galvanizing an entire generation of youngsters to grow up straight and strong, and gainfully employed in very positive careers.

In our earliest days together, this friend worked for me. I vividly remember pushing him onto a stage to address our staff, reporting on recent results and presenting awards.

Recently, he introduced me to one of his audiences about as graciously as I’ve ever been introduced. Speaking to these young people during and after the event was one of the most pleasant experiences I’ve ever had.

The point here is that there are few other things I can think of that feel as satisfying and fulfilling as benefitting others does. The degree to which my friend is self-actualized and personally fulfilled by his new career is testament to just how rewarding it is.

And it’s a simple decision. It doesn’t take any formal training or deep investments to choose to live a life of service to others. Victor Frankl demonstrates this most vividly in his seminal Man’s Search for Meaning. He was an inmate in the concentration camps who somehow managed to keep others’ spirits as high as possible in a desperately awful situation. When asked how he managed to remain so positive and continue to support everyone around him, he replied that the Nazi’s could take everything from him. His health. His family. His possessions. His clothing. His dignity. But the one thing they could not take from him was his ability to choose his response, his attitude toward his situation. Remarkable.

Karma?

On some level most people define ‘karma’ the way Merriam-Webster does, as “the force generated by a person's actions held in Hinduism and Buddhism to perpetuate transmigration and in its ethical consequences to determine the nature of the person's next existence.”

I’ve come to see karma differently.

Life is all about exchanges, giving and receiving. And as is said in the King James version of the Bible, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” I agree that people often feel better about themselves when giving to others than they do when receiving from others. They feel like they’ve done something positive, something good.

This is the nature of our exchanges. When we give or do good for others, we feel good about ourselves, and feeling good about oneself tends to be something other people recognize in us, and they feel good about what we gave. All good.

The same thing can be said of the bad things we give or do to others. If we don’t feel bad about doing something bad to others, we are probably somewhere on the spectrum of the sociopath. The person receiving the bad from us may feel compassion for us, or they may simply choose to avoid contact with us going forward. After all, what defines us better than what we do?

In my own life, I’d like to believe I’ve done good for many people. I feel comfortable that there are many people who see me as a person who does and gives good to others, a good person.

But there are also many people who shun me, including members of my own family and people who were such good friends that I once considered them family. Clearly, they perceive me as having done bad things or given bad things to them. They feel that way so strongly they will not communicate with me. It is difficult, very difficult, to contend with the feelings this brings up. I don’t consider myself to be a bad person, but these people who were close to me do. Clearly, there are things I’m doing or giving that I’m not conscious of. Not aware of.

Or perhaps I’m not letting myself know. We often shut out unpleasant things and keep ourselves from thinking about them, hoping they’ll just go away. Sometimes they do, and that can be unfortunate for us.

On the other hand, sometimes time and experience can lift those blockages, or provide us with new perspective. For me, it has been important to focus on why these relationships were severed. What was it I was doing that motivated former friends and family to avoid me?

The True Nature of Karma

This was when I realized the true nature of karma. If you do good for others, they’ll want to do good for you. It may be a chain of events that involves those people you did good for doing good for others and that good finding its way back around to you. Similarly, the people you’ve done wrong will think poorly of you, reflect that negative opinion to others, and preclude you from other relationships and opportunities you never realized were out there.

Clearly, I’ve needed to become more circumspect, to be more sensitive to what I’m doing and how I’m doing it. Am I giving positive messages, even in negative situations? Am I making every effort to help and not to hurt? Will what I’m saying and the way in which I’m saying it make things better or worse? Am I choosing the right words? Am I framing the exchange to be as positive as possible, Or am I just trying to punish the other person for not agreeing with me, or doing as I ask?

When you start to ask yourself these questions, don’t be surprised if you find yourself dismayed at your own realizations. Hindsight is indeed 20/20, and in this case that can be a good thing. You need to be honest with yourself when you look back. Knowing you can’t change the past you must then seek ways to apply what you’ve learned to future actions.

My hope is that by being more circumspect, and always being aware of how I’m communicating and whether it’s productive or harmful, I can change my karma for the better and stop adding to the list of those that shun me and instead grow the list of dear friends I cherish. I have found this resolution to be very encouraging and continue to strengthen my practice in positivity and productive exchanges.

Guiding Your Karma

It becomes simple, then, to guide your karma, to manage it, to change its impact upon your life. Simply, give unto others. And, yes, the Golden Rule, do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

As Gandhi said, “be the change you want to see in the world.” Contribute in as many ways as you can to help the people and causes that matter to you, and perhaps those that don’t. Not just financial contribution, but active contribution. Do the right thing.

This brings us back to the beginning where we talked about my friend and I who stopped to help other motorists who were in need. We didn’t know who they were when we came upon them, but we stopped to help simply because it was, in our perceptions, the right thing to do. And we wanted to feel good about doing what was right. We wanted to create more good karma for ourselves and the people we were helping.

If you think about it, those accident victims benefitted from our being there, but also benefitted from all the people we’ve encountered previously who did good for us, encouraging us to do good for others. Perhaps these victims will go on to do good for others and keep paying it forward. That would be a great outcome.

Closing Thought…

When I think about the practical reasons I work on improving my karma, I can’t help thinking about a good friend from long ago.

Jimmy was a simple guy. Liked simple things. He was always happy, and looking to be of service to others. He made you feel good just being in his presence.

One evening, Jimmy was riding in his friend’s car when they veered off the road and struck a telephone pole. Jimmy was sent almost through the windshield.

When I went to visit him in the hospital, his bandages slipped and I saw how one side of his face was completely mangled, smashed almost beyond recognition. He would only admit to experiencing mild pain, but I suspect that was because he didn’t want us to worry.

While Jimmy was in the hospital having multiple surgeries, his Mom passed away from cancer. Jimmy was heartbroken, especially about not being able to attend the funeral. His wounds were just too sensitive to infection for him to leave the hospital.

Then his long-time girlfriend left him, telling him she didn’t want to stay just out of pity for him.

A year later, Jimmy and I were sitting having lunch. His face was looking better, though still clearly in need of more healing. Jimmy was joking with me and laughing at his own jokes. He was, in fact, laughing about most everything around him. He spoke lovingly and positively not only about his mother, but also his former girlfriend. He had amazing compassion for her and the decision she had to make.

I was moved to ask him how, after everything he’d been through, he still was so positive and so happy and ready to embrace the world. I’ll never forget his answer.

“Because I really believe that everything I’ve gone through has better prepared me for something I’ll need to do down the road. You get to choose to be up or down. Why choose to be down? I’ll keep my head up high, thank you. It’s a better way to live.”