What Do You Want…for the Holidays?
Let’s sit on Santa’s lap and answer his most important question: “What do you want for Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, Ramadan, or whatever holiday you celebrate at this wonderful time of year?”
In years gone by, my answer to this question varied from digital toys to various victuals, new accessories for existing toys, and many more. But this year, my answer is very, very different.
Health
It’s been well more than a decade now since I started seeing long-time friends getting sick and dying. The lifelong smokers were probably first, followed by a few careless folks who allowed them to be exposed to various challenges. From 2020 to now, some of my dearest friends fell victim to COVID-19. Then there were those newer friends who were considerably older than me. Suddenly I was losing friends faster than making them.
When it began happening, I felt we were all too young to be going so soon. Today, that isn’t quite as prevalent for me as once it was. I recently considered adopting another puppy and realized I may not have another fifteen years to be there to care for it. Now that was a sobering realization. I cannot, under any circumstances, imagine myself leaving a dog behind. It put me in mind of older friends who had lost their furry friend over recent years and had not gone to adopt another. Suddenly I understood all too well why they had chosen to be without that most valuable of companions. I have a difficult time imagining that I’ve raised my last puppy. That’s just heartbreaking.
Important note: In discussing this with close friends it was suggested that I consider adopting an older dog who I would more likely outlast. They certainly need and deserve a new forever home, and I could provide one. Not sure that would work with my current pack, but will keep it in mind for later on after my heart gets broken a few more times a few years down the road.
So the thing I want most this holiday season is for as many of my friends and family as possible, and others around me to enjoy good health. The illnesses that surround me include cancer, embolisms, heart trouble, pneumonia, blood disorders, and more. A cure for any or all of these would certainly be most welcome. Even having the pace of new cases slow down would be a relief.
Embracing Impermanence
We have previously discussed the Buddhist concept of embracing impermanence here in “What Do You Want?”. It would be just as accurate to say “be realistic.” We are indeed all going to die someday. For some it will be sooner than for others. For many it will be too soon. Too early in their lives.
One thing I want to gain is the ability to discuss the concept of embracing impermanence with some of my loved ones who are contending with the oncoming demise of other loved ones. I find it very difficult to broach the concept with them in their preliminary period of preparing for grief. I’m concerned they won’t take me seriously, and worse I may offend them or take them to a place they don’t want to be. It’s easy to say something like “embrace impermanence,” but when it’s someone you love it’s very nearly impossible to even consider it. I wish I could find a way to bring peace to these people when they would most benefit from it.
Me too.
Facing my own demons, I know I have intellectually accepted the idea of embracing impermanence, and it is relatively easy to do so when you’re not approaching the demise of someone close to you. But when it is someone you love, even your own faith may provide no comfort. You will miss that person. You will experience a void where they used to be in your life. You will be confronted with the most difficult adjustment and adaptation you ever face in your life.
I first faced this when I was only 15 years old, and my beloved father suddenly passed away. Next October he will be dead for as long as he was previously alive. 54 years. I have had 54 years to adapt to living life without him as opposed to only having had 15 years living with him. I still miss him terribly. I still feel the void he left in my life. It’s no longer crippling as it was when it first happened. But sometimes I just can’t get past it and must stop and contemplate my loss once again.
Holiday Celebration
I am then reminded that this is a magical time of celebration at the end of each year. I celebrate the people who are in my life and what they mean to me. I celebrate the amazing moments we all get to experience from time to time. I celebrate how amazing a woman I am fortunate enough to have as my wife. I celebrate the success and happiness of my children and their spouses and their children.
I celebrate the many people I get to call “friend.” I am truly blessed with the most wonderful of friends and consistently get to share thoughts and ideas with them. I’m thankful for the creature comforts and the things in my life that I get to enjoy.
When You’re Not Looking
I recently looked around and realized that many members of my extended family had passed away when I wasn’t looking. They were simply gone. People I grew up with. People I laughed and played with, joked and traded barbs with. People I cared about who cared about me. People I loved.
They’re gone.
So, for the holidays I want to remember them. Remember the great times we shared. Celebrate their lives. Find peacefulness and joy in recollections of the fun times of our youth together.
And also for these holidays I want to make every effort to reach out to as many of my friends as I possibly can to say hello, and thank you, and ask how they are, and find out about what’s going on in our lives today.
What I want for you, dear reader, is that you stop and look around you. See all the people who have always been in your life and determine how well they are. Appreciate the fact that you still have them in your life because at some given point you will look around and realize, as I just did, that many of them are no longer with us. They’re gone. You won’t share laughs with them anymore.
So appreciate them all now while you still have them to appreciate. Celebrate them while they’re still here to celebrate. Experience the true joy of the holidays and celebrate the lives of everyone around you, the greatest gift any of us ever receive.